Tiger Boff!

I have never purchased or even owned an issue or Tiger Beat, Teen Beat or Bop. These, in case you are unfamiliar, are the fodder of the pre-teen - magazines full of teen idols, one shirtless per magazine, plus 6 fold out posters if you're lucky.

Even at 13 years old, I had too much self-respect to own the magazines. But I had celebrity crushes. Devon Sawa, JTT... the usual.

So, how do you pick just 3 teen idols to MBK? Well, how about the ones that are already dead??

Marry Boff Kill: Jonathan Brandis, Brad Renfro and Heath Ledger (a stretch, I know)


Marry Jonathan Brandis:
There was a sweetness, an innocence that all the girls swooned for back in 1994. He would give you a hug, and he would need it as much as you did. His hair was awesome. His eyes were awesome. He had an awesome girlfriend (Tatyana Ali from Fresh Prince). But I guess in the end, things weren't that awesome. (Suicide.)

Boff Heath Ledger:
He could run with the whole bad boy thing without being just a junkie like Renfro. And the accent? Talk about wooing me right into the sack. He also avoided much of the teen idol stress, really joining the pack at age 20 with "10 Things I hate about you". I think that gives him a bit of credibility - not to mention a career that will likely include an Oscar by the time I write another blog post. And he's just sexy. I'd do him. Not now, I mean, that's just gross.

Kill Brad Renfro:
When I heard Jonathan Brandis was dead, I said "Awww...". When the world heard Heath Ledger was dead, it collectively responded with an "Aww...". But it was barely news when Brad Renfro kicked the bucket. Was it expected? Yes, a little. Brandis faded away, Heath died at the top, but Renfro was just a junkie at the end - and a junkie I'd rather not screw or marry.