The Late Night Boff

Late night talk shows - a staple for university students and shift workers alike.

Since joining the 9-5 world, my late night tv consumption has dropped severely, but I still know what's what when it comes to these men. Although this one is going to be particularly hard, as two of them are on my Top 5.

Marry Boff Kill: Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jon Stewart

Marry David Letterman: He is self-depricating, old, bitter and a bit of an odd-duck, but he has been on my Top 5 for some time now. I would happily wake-up to Dave complaining about something and being a bit of an ass about life.

He already has a kid, so I know I won't have to procreate and he rules New York City. I could get free sandwiches from Rupert G for the rest of my life, oh, and hanging out with Paul Schaffer, that would be pretty cool.

Plus, if I marry Dave, my friends can no longer laugh at me for having him on my Top 5. They would finally just have to shut up a deal - or talk about me behind my back. Either way, I am married to Dave Letterman, what do I care?

Boff Jon Stewart: There are few things sexier than a smart guy, except a smart guy that is funny.

For years, I got my news on American politics from Jon Stewart, and if I could stay up past 11, I still would. He is abe to inform and make me laugh. I would feel smarter and funnier after just that one night.

And if things went well, I could convince him to give me a job on his show, or just provide tickets whenever I wanted.

Plus, he's only 5'7" and I hear short guys work harder, to you know, prove themselves.

Kill Jay Leno: As if this wasn't obvious.

Nothing about this man is appealing, not his humour, not his physical appearance, not his over-compensating-for-something collection of cars, nothing.

And this is one that I judge people on.

I do, I judge people who prefer Jay to Dave or Conan or anyone. He is so ... obvious, and there is a reason he has those stupid segments, about stupid people - those are the ones watching his show.

When will I watch Jay? When Justin Timbelake is on the show naked and professing his undying love for me.

That's when.

Stupid Jay Leno.