Let's Hug it Out Boff

Entourage!

Two of the boys are obvious boff boff boffs - Ari Gold and Vincent Chase - so they are out.

Thankfully, there are other boys to choose from.

Marry, Boff, Kill: Entourage.

Marry: Turtle

Duh, of course it would be Turtle. He would be the best husband - look at everything he does for the guys. He would always be grateful when you had sex and he would be the least likely to cheat on you.

Also, he isn't obsessed with his weight, so I wouldn't feel bad about myself if I gained a few pounds.

Boff:Eric
He seems like a nice enough guy. He is hard working, worked at Sbarro, so he knows his way around pizza, and he hooked up with a Perfect 10 model. With all of Vince's leftovers, he's got to be a decent lay.

And, he's short, and like I have mentioned before, I hear short dudes work harder.

Just sayin'.

Kill: Drama
Fuckin' Drama!

It isn't that he's bad looking, or even that big of a creep. It's just he seems so ... sad. I mean, he's not even his brother's favorite lackey.
Also, he seems a little crazy and anger issues just aren't hot.

Nickelboff

There's something amazing about the band Nickelback. They can take an important worldly statement and make it look so douchey. Yet, they keep selling records and ruining something we once described as music.

I was at the Junos on the weekend, and they won 3 of the top awards.

Who is voting for these things?

Anyways, Marry Boff Slaughter Mercilessly: Nickelback.

To cut down to three (y'all know that if there were 4, I'd just kill the extra one) I'm going with the members of the group who are originals (which I found on wikipedia because I have no idea who is in Nickelback, save for one royal asshat). They would be Chad Kroeger, Mike Kroeger, and Ryan Peake.



Marry Ryan Peake:
Potentially ending up with Kroeger as my last name and I have a feeling Chad might bitchslap me into doing it, is a fate worse than death. So, supposed family man, Ryan Peake, you're my man. *shudder*



Boff Mike Kroeger:
*shudder* According to wikipedia, which knows all, he's also a family man like Peake. And unlike Chad who lives on the Abbotsford compound, older brother Mike lives in Hawaii when he's not Nickelbacking.

(Side note: If Nickelbacking was a sex move, I think it means you both finish and then promptly puke - Chad because he's too drunk and you because you just realized what you've done.)


Kill Chad Kroeger:
My pleasure.

Rich Blondes of TV

My friend often comments on my obsession with the wealthy blondes of the world. And I can't deny that I do love following some of them.

I am mesmerized by them - the ease of their lives, the whole blonde thing, their clothes.

They are so much of what I will never be - at least right now. Ok, I will never go blonde, that would be dumb, at least it would look dumb.

So, here it is, Marry Boff Kill: Rich Blondes on TV.

Marry: Whitney Port

She is funny, smart, has a great sense of style, and I don't feel like everything has been handed to her.

Her Teen Vogue boss liked her, Kelly Cutrone loves her and she gets to rub elbows with Diane von Furstenberg.

I think she would be able to carry on interesting convos until we get old and grey - and she can totally hook me up with DVF's new line. Yay!

Also, she knows the person who Blair Waldorf is based on - and that is just cool.

Boff: Serena van der Woodsen

This one is by default. I can't really stand S and if B was a blonde, well, I would marry AND boff her.

But S was apparently a bit of a hoe-bag back in the day. I mean, she slept with B's bf at the time - something B hadn't even done yet.

Also, the boffing with be preceeded by $20 drinks at some swank NYC hot spot, and spending at least some time with B and Chuck Bass.

Ah, Chuck Bass.

Kill: Lauren Conrad

She was boring on Laguna Beach and has been the lamest person with a reality show since she broke up with Jason.

She whines, she was friends with Heidi and she is still friends with Brody (who no matter how cute, is just not a good dude). Also, is she ever going to graduate from fashion school?

The thing that sealed her fate: Lauren brought Heidi and Spencer into our lives.

Marry Boff Kill the Jonas Brothers

This is a super challenge for me because frankly, I have no idea who these guys are. I have never heard their music, I don't know why they are famous and I just needed to bump a post down.

Oh, and I watched an episode of South Park last night that taught me everything I know about them:

A. They are owned and operated by Disney.
B. They appeal to the Christian crowd.
C. They turn normal kids into sissies.

Lets make this short and sweet (just like the Jonas Brothers!)...

Marry the young looking Jonas Brother.
He's vaguely cuter than the other two and based on one minute of a Barbara Walters' special I accidentally watched, he is the leader singer of the band. Plus I like 'em young.

Boff the super metro emo Jonas Brother.
In the picture above, he's trying too hard with that hair-outfit-combo but he's not paperbag ugly and I'm willing to bet he's 19? Making my decision based on legality?

Kill the caterpillar eyebrowed Jonas Brother.
I get the feeling he's gonna try for a soul patch or giant mutton chops in the near future when teenage girls go off to college and he drops off the face of the earth faster than Lizzie McGuire.

Because I'm lazy

Seeing how I haven't posted for a while and that I really don't have too much ideas, I've decided to recycle an old post from my blog. This was the post that got me a writing spot on here. Too bad it didn't land me in someone's bed...harharhar!

Disclaimer: If you've been a reader of this blog for a while, you know I'm very sarcastic. I like to joke around. If you're a new reader who happens to stumble onto this blog... I'm just having a little bit of fun. Whatever is written in this post is simply my opinions resulted from reading various blogs. Please don't take the whole Marry Boff Kill seriously. Thank you. And if you're one of three that is mentioned in this entry and got offended. I'm terribly sorry. If you'd like me to remove this particular post please let me know and I will do so.

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Phew so now the disclaimer is out of the way. This will be the final Marry Boff Kill post on this blog because if I post more someone will totally hunt me down and eat me alive! I kid you not! I already got a warning! So unless some sort of miracle happens this is it. So let's have some fun shall we?

The three choices for this final edition of Marry Boff Kill will be.... female Vancouver bloggers.

*GASP*

*Stupid Monkey, look what you just got yourself into! Remember to look around next time you stick your head outside*

Marry Boff Kill


Wanderlust from Anywhere but here


Lisa from MostlyLisa


Loxy from You Are A Blog

*Oh boy am I asking for trouble?*

Kill Wanderlust. I'm sure she's a wonderful person in real life and her blog entries are quite entertaining to read...but sometimes it does get a bit superficial for me. I don't know maybe it's just me? From reading her blog it just doesn't sound like she's someone I'd marry or boff. And since I have to kill someone unfortunately Wanderlust is the one.

Now the next two is a toss up. It's a really tough decision when you think about it... Both are into photography; both have odd sense of humour; both are great witters; both have amazing eyes; both are cute as hell. So who will it be silly Monkey?

*After 5 minutes of hard pondering and a lot of banana eating...*

Marry Lisa. What can I say, she's the ultimate female geek. She should be at top of the list for every nerdy/geeky guy. With a hilarious video like this how can I not marry her? Not to mention she's a brunette and I simply have a thing for brunettes.


Mostly Looking for Love from Lisa Bettany on Vimeo.

Boff Loxy. What can I say, she lost to a very worth opponent. She's cute as a blonde and even cutter as a brunette (Again remember I have a thing for brunettes). Best of it all, she's a Radiohead fan too. Tons songs to choose from in the bedroom. Hehehe.

Marry Boff Closer

Those who are "close" to me know that "Closer" is one of my favourite movies. Top ten - all time. I joked about watching it on Valentine's Day due to its un-romanticism, but haven't been able to stop thinking about it since then. So, I threw it in once again. With movies that I've watched dozens of times, I always wonder when they will wear out their welcome. Lemme tell you, this one is always fresh.

Anyways! Marry Boff Kill - The Cast of Closer


Boff Clive Owen / Dr. Larry - While he's not the esthetically perfect specimen, the man oozes sex appeal. He seems to be the type who likes it dirty and I'd give it to him any... ANY way he wanted it.

Kill Jude Law / Dan -
Like Clive Owen, there is something that transcends real life and his character and it's a smarminess. He's attractive, I get that, but I don't trust him. He's a little prick. (P.S. If you've seen him lately, his hair seems to be running away from his face..)

Kill Julia Roberts / Anna -
When it comes to Julia Roberts in movies, I am often indifferent. I don't hate her in a Kirsten Dunst or Cameron Diaz kind of way, but I don't love her either. That said, my rule when MBKing more than three people means you kill the leftovers. That's all she is to me, leftovers.



Marry Natalie Portman / Alice / Jane -
I realize that I would probably have to get used to the Vegan thing in order to really settle down with her, but if anyone is worth it... She's the most honest person in the movie and I get the feeling she would be in real life. Plus she did this, thus I love her unconditionally.

Marry Boff Killonely Island

Once I wikipedia something, I tend to check out everything they've ever done. Needless to say, Lonely Island has gotten this treatment as of late.

Marry Boff Kill: The Boys of The Lonely Island.

Kill Akiva Schaffer:
I know I usually start with Marry or Boff, leaving the kill to the end, but this one is just so easy. Sorry Akiva. You're talented. You're probably more talented than the other guys (thus your foray into producing and directing) and you've gotten this far despite being kinda homely looking. And that's exactly why you're dead to me. (Please call the superficial police now.)


Boff Jorma Taccone:
If my decision was purely on looks (as it seemed with my slaughter of Akiva), I'd be staying with this man FO LIFE! But it's not just up to me, cause boy is already shacked up with a lady friend. (Or dude, I dunno, I just read somewhere that he's already married and thus I feel a little pain in my heart area which I would translate into great anger sex.) And he's like way short. How could I live with that?

Marry Andy Samberg:
I want him to jizz in my pants.